http://youtube.com/watch?v=hyJ0Iqzwanw&feature=youtu.be
I sat down with Danny Gray for our inaugural in:CTRL podcast episode expecting to talk about partnerships. Instead, we ended up discussing patience, reframing your work, and why giving first actually works. Danny shared five principles that have shaped how he approaches work and community building…
"Partnerships should feel like walking up to an open door," Danny told us.
At Google, Danny managed relationships with ad agencies where the incentives were aligned: when his clients spent more money with Google, they made more money too. Instead of convincing someone to buy something they might not need, every conversation started from "How do we help you grow your business?"
When both parties benefit from a partnership's success, collaboration becomes straightforward. You're not pushing against resistance.
Danny applies this lens when evaluating any professional relationship or opportunity. If it feels like you're constantly fighting uphill, maybe the door isn't meant to be opened right now.
"I came to realize that most of the sales I'd done was in fact more partnerships and relationship management."
For years, he'd described himself as being in sales because that's what his team was called at Google. But when he left and tried traditional sales at other companies—cold outreach, new business development—he discovered it wasn't what he enjoyed or excelled at.
This reframe changed how Danny thought about his career trajectory and what roles he should pursue.
How we define our work shapes what we think we're capable of doing. Job titles and functions evolve, which means there's often more flexibility than we realize in how we approach our roles.
Danny's approach to professional relationships comes from "The Go-Giver": "Focus on the value for the other person rather than what's in it for you."
This became the foundation for how he leads OutProfessionals San Francisco, a networking organization for LGBTQ+ professionals. Instead of starting with what the organization needed, Danny asked: "Would I go out of my way to attend this type of event?"
Every event he organizes passes this test. If he wouldn't choose it over the five other things happening that Thursday night in San Francisco, it doesn't happen.